PATIENCE

Welcome readers. Bear with me I am new at this. But I am going to be blogging as often as I can about the not so pragmatic events in my life and in the lives of those around me.. Enjoy!

Today was an odd day. I got to the core of a few things floating around in my head completely by accident. Here goes...

I woke up this morning as any other day. It seemed normal... hitting the snooze button a minimum of six times, knowing fine well that the seventh snooze is impending doom (its the point where the alarm clock says 'to hell with you! don't wake up see if i care! just try and do this with out me... i dare ya!'), I reluctantly pull myself out of bed and start off my day.

Does it ever seem the more you hurry, the slower you become? Does thinking of every small detail and creating clever shortcuts in an effort to become more efficient, leave you disorganised and messy??.. Slumped on the end of my bed, I am making a mental list.

First, I have to stop at the bank, second, grab some coffee (at my fave place - Starbucks), third, make rounds at the hospital, and fourth, hit the gym. Ambitiously, I would like to achieve all of this before lunch - yeah right! The time now is 947am.. it ain't happening. So in effort to save time I make a cup of tea at home, drinking it in between, packing my stuff for the gym into a tote and finding something to wear. I shower equally quickly and proceed to hurriedly get dressed complete with make-up and hair. The time now 1055am! WHAT!!! How could I have possibly taken all this time! I start to clamber down the stairs with all of my stuff (pocket book, car keys, gym stuff, cellphone, lip gloss etc) desperate to reach the basement where I can climb into some shoes and head out. Meanwhile, I am now mentally trying to reorganise my day, shuffling the order of things to be done... cant be done. let me explain....

Have you ever told someone where you will be, hoping the other person will show up? And then when they don't show up and after you waited what seemed like a plausible amount of time, you then become angry and leave; because just in case they do show up two hours later you don't want them to think you waited all this time for them on the other hand what if they do show up much later accidentally or deliberately either trying to play with you (to see how much you want to see them) or trying to avoid you altogether, in which case you feel particularly odd waiting longer than a reasonable, casual amount of time?

I always expect to be the 'waiter' (as dictated by past experience) but today I became the 'waitee'.

A friend of mine, for arguments sake we will call them X, called me a few days ago. Both of us busy in our lives, don't have time to catch up. We casually arrange to meet up in the hospital yesterday where I have to do rounds. No exact time was set. But we usually are pretty on point at meeting up. But it seems that X became impatient and left moments before I was able to get there. Fine. So I become the bigger person and call. X now informs me that they will be there this morning "early". WTF is early?? EARLY for some is five am and for me is 730-9am. THE TIME IS 1055AM - what can I do?? I cant skip the bank step... so I rush to the bank... storming through the drive-through - barely saying good morning or even thank you to the clerk... I bypass Starbucks... (oh how I love Starbucks - my tall skinny vanilla latte - with convenient cup holder made of recycled paper).... and speed to hospital.

I burst into the parking lot wasting only seconds to grab my coat and steth and flee to the entrance, when I am stopped by another physician. Politely, I listen and engage myself in conversation, slowly easing myself into position to eye the door (so that if X was to leave I could quickly intercept). Ten minutes go by, TEN MINUTES!!! OMG... how do i get out of this - I want to go inside - I want to see if X is still there.... It is now 1135am... I am quite sure this is not classified as early.

As realization hits me, my shoulders slump and now I focus whole-heartedly on the conversation at hand. Now wanting to get away not because I am rushing to get inside, but so that I can recover from the disappointment of X's impatience. Finally, at 1143am I get to go inside and scope out X.... I inquire within (still secretly hopeful!)..... X left..... at 1110am... I never would have made it anyways.. Why are people so impatient!...As foolish as one's own impatience is, as regretful as we feel about our own spontaneity, that of another person's is simply intolerable!getting back to X. I thought about how I felt. I felt disappointed and a little angry at X for not waiting a few extra minutes, admitting only to myself that I was desperate to meet X after having failed attempts earlier in the week. But then I thought of the flip side... what was X thinking?

X stated times they would be available without offering a formal invitation, and proceeded to follow through... no games no tricks... X probably thinks this was all done deliberately.. as a part of some grand master plan... Little does X know that me! Huh!.. I severely lack all prowess and unfortunately did not think this cleverness up. I innocently tried to accommodate my schedule to fit in with X's... falling short through no fault of my own every time. Rushing to arrive in time, calling ahead on occasion; but to no avail. X waited was seemed a plausible amount of time... X is the 'WAITER'!

I find myself in unfamiliar territory.. I am the 'WAITEE', for the first time in my life. I didn't realise this fact however until after it was all done. I WAS the waitee over the past few days. The ball was in my hand, X wanted to play in my court!... AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE IT!...

Everything happens in life for a reason... Although somewhat cliche I am a firm believer of this.

Despite my gallant efforts I was unsuccessful in arriving on time to meet X. But now I am mad... Mad that intentions are never made clear by X. Mad that X would assume that I would be capable of such devious mastery (although secretly I wished I was). I am angry that X wouldn't wait longer, beyond the comfort zone... after all am I not worth it?... I think so! Especially since I didn't deliberately delay!

No!... I did not deliberately delay!.... I did not come up with this ingenious tactic!... But it worked out beautifully... I am letting X know - I am worth waiting for. I won't rush for just anything! Intentions must be made clear... What do you want X?.... Why are you so desperate to see me and catch up???... I wonder (I shall not assume... but I can wonder!)

No!... I did not deliberately stand up X!..... But oh how I wish I could take the credit for doing so!... This was done for me... it happened for a reason! Whether I feel bad or good right now, I, too, must patiently wait for the outcome of this. I am warning X - if you have learnt patience yet, you will be taught now. Now comes the outcome. Good/bad.. upsetting/exhilarating.... its for the best in the end.... Do you have the patience to find out?

I learned today, despite what I have said, that impatience is sometimes our own worst enemy. We hurt only ourselves by behaving impulsively. I have been in that situation many times but today I got to look in on it... I remember how it feels to be upset and angry because you assume someone betrayed you when they really didn't... I remember the resentment and anger that developed as a result and to You, the reader, I leave you with this..

"A soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and the communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional effort but rather of a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said that there is nothing more precious in life."